


Human After All

by guti



Series: 01000011 01100001 01110010 01110010 01100001 01110110 01101001 01101100 01101100 01100101 [2]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Anal Sex, Comedy, Crack?, Dirty Talk, Handcuffs, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Robot Sex, Robot/Human Relationships, Rough Sex, Sex Robots, Threesome, Threesome with a robot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 11:43:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5625430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guti/pseuds/guti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jamie shows up at Gary's door in Valencia unannounced, which is odd, because Jamie is already in Gary's bedroom...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Human After All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anemoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anemoi/gifts).



> sharon wanted a sequel to [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5506226), so here we go. 
> 
> this was probably the most difficult thing i've written in a long time and i'm not happy with it but. it's as done as it's gonna be. it's not beta-read so i'll go back and fix any typos and stuff later. orz
> 
> here's your obligatory [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXYeARRyDWk) to accompany this.

His first clue that something was amiss should have been Jamie’s appearance at his doorstep in the middle of the night. This was unusual for two reasons. Firstly, it was late April, a busy time of year for everyone in the footballing realm, with the seasons’ ends fast approaching and tournament semi-finals to muscle through. And secondly, Gary had just finished having kinky sex with Jamie Carragher not thirty minutes earlier, and knew for an absolute fact that Jamie was fast asleep in his bed at that very moment.

“Gary!” The Carra at his door let out a cry of delight as he rushed toward him, throwing his arms around Gary’s neck. 

“Wha-what the fu-?!”

“Can I come in?” His voice was quiet, a whisper, almost a plea, and Gary found himself overcome with a terrible sense of dread as he tried to carefully extract himself.

“What are you doing here?” He managed, taking a cautious step backward, an attempt to shuffle out of his visitor’s grasp.  
“I’ve come home to you, my love!” 

The reality of the situation hit him then like a load of bricks. Before him stood the Jamie Carragher robot, come back to seduce him again. After everything he’d been through in the last forty-eight hours, the last thing he needed was another dealing with this lifelike Carragher replacement, especially when he had the real thing back in his bedroom. Gary’s eyes went wide and he finally felt awake, recharged with a new task. He had to get the robot to leave again. “Listen… Jamie…”

The robot smiled at him, and for just a second it might’ve fooled him. It looked so much like Jamie, grinning like a complete and utter idiot. Gary could’ve faltered, and if he didn’t know any better, he would've been convinced, just from it’s expression alone. He’d seen that exact look in Carra’s eyes a hundred times, he’d seen it that very night, sometimes he saw Jamie smiling like that in his dreams. If he had one weakness, one weakness at all—

“Oi, Gaz, what’s going on?”

He literally jumped four feet into the air when a hand clapped down on his shoulder and he turned around to see his Jamie (the real Jamie) standing behind him (and wearing a pair of his pajama pants, which he didn’t actually mind at all.) Jamie was giving him an inquisitive look, like he was imploring him to cut with the nonsense and come back to bed, and it was certain that he hadn’t yet noticed their early morning visitor at the doorstep.

Gary exhaled sharply and very pointedly directed him with his eyes to the robot standing just outside the threshold. “We’ve got a visitor.”

Jamie looked past Gary then and let out a harsh howl. “The fuck is that thing doing here again?”

“I could say the same!” Carra-bot snapped, deciding that he’d waited on the stoop long enough and should be invited inside. “Gary, the fuck’s he doing here?”

“He’s—” Gary started.

“I’ve got every right to be here,” Jamie said, purposely standing in the doorway to block the robot’s entry. “I’m an invited guest. You, on the other hand…”

“Out of my way,” the robot said, easily pushing both men aside to enter the house. “If anyone has a right to be here, it’s me. Gary is my one true love, and I’ve come home to love him.”

“Jesus Christ,” Gary stammered, finding his footing again, scrambling after Carra-bot, who was making a beeline for the bedroom. “Why is this happening?”

“Because your ex-club is full of deluded maniacs who think this counts as a tactical strategy,” Jamie hissed, locking the front door again before darting after them.

Choosing to ignore Jamie’s unintelligent and offensive remarks, Gary dashed to the bedroom, arriving too late to prevent Carra-bot from completely disrobing, and also uncovering the evidence of what had gone on in that bedroom not an hour before. The handcuffs had been left on the bedside table along with the lube. And the blindfold. And the gag. And the riding crop. And the half-empty can of whipped cream. And the used condom in the bin. And the—

“What have you done?” Carra-bot demanded, turning around to face the two men, finger extended in a most cartoonish manner. The robot was looking right at the real Carra, pure disdain in it’s eyes. “What did you do to him?”

“I didn’t do anything to him,” Jamie said, a hint of nerves in his voice that Gary picked up right away. “And… and anything I did with him’s none of your concern anyways. Now get the hell out of here and go back to wherever the hell you came from!”

Beside him, Gary instinctively reached for Jamie, taking hold of him by the wrist, hoping it might calm him, hoping it might reassure him that no matter what, he had his back. He looked to the robot and spoke slowly, enunciating as best as he could manage. “I think it’s for the best if you leave now. Van Gaal is probably waiting for—”

“Van Gaal is an idiot,” Carra-bot scoffed, picking up the discarded ping-pong paddle from the floor, examining it carefully. “And besides, I’ve come for you, Gary. You see, the other night was a revelation. You opened my eyes.”

“Oh my god,” Jamie breathed. Gary gave his arm a small squeeze.

“That night was the best night of my life. I never knew sex could be so good.”

Gary’s cheeks went a little red and he hoped Jamie wouldn’t notice.

“If I could have stayed away, Gary, I would have,” the robot continued. “I would have stayed at Old Trafford and lived happily amongst my fellows.”

Gary gulped. “But…?”

“But, as it turns out, I am the only full functional model that’s ever been completed.”

“Oh my god,” Jamie said again, this time with more of an edge of panic to his voice.

The robot took a step toward them, that look of pleading in his eyes again, a look Gary knew all too well. He hadn’t seen it all that often, only a few times really, but it’d been etched into his memory for all time. He was who he was, and Jamie was who he was too, and the sweet, delightful image of Jamie Carragher staring at him so desperate and needy, simply begging for him was one he would treasure his whole life, even if he himself had felt a similar need for Jamie once or twice before. There just was nothing like having someone who’d once been a rival at his complete mercy, begging to be fucked, or have his dick sucked, needing so badly to come, and wanting more than anything to come for him and him only. Gah. That look alone was enough to make Gary feel a little weak in the knees.

“Gary,” the robot said, dropping to his knees before him, and without thinking, Gary’s grip on Carra’s forearm tightened. “I need you.”

“Uh…” He looked to Jamie then, the real Jamie, swallowing hard, mouth suddenly very dry.

Jamie stared right back at him, lip curled into a snarl. “Neville, don’t you fucking dare.”

He didn’t want to, he really didn’t. Not much, anyway. Not more than a little bit. Not 100%. He only sort of mostly wanted to, but only for a moment and only because the robot reminded him so much of Jamie. And he felt very, very bad for it. Gary knew full well that he couldn’t sleep with the Carra-bot, but damn if the temptation wasn’t there for half a second or ten.

“Jamie,” he said softly, their eyes still locked. On the floor at his feet, the robot was approaching him, and before he could move away, it slid a hand up his thigh, it’s fabricated skin dragging pleasantly over his bare leg. “I… he has to leave. Right now.”

“He can stay,” Carra-bot said, gazing up at him, a small simpering smile on it’s lips. “I don’t mind if he stays.”

“I am staying,” Jamie said, suddenly quite protective, putting his arm around Gary’s shoulder. “It’s you who needs to go.”

“We can both stay,” the robot said, on its knees still, leaning forward like he might do something absolutely pornographic to Gary if left unsupervised for even a second. “I bet he’d like that. Wouldn’t you Gary?”

Gary froze. He was positively still, and admittedly, he was half hard from the mere suggestion. He’d already been through some rough sex earlier in the night, bound and left begging for mercy as Jamie went absolutely wild, having his way with him. It had been almost a replay of two nights before, when the robot had first appeared at his door, when it had come into his house with it’s suitcase full of random and interesting accessories, but one thing had been different. As capable as the robot had been, he’d felt rather manhandled afterwards. With Jamie (actual, living breathing Jamie) he’d felt something else entirely. In the shower after sex, Jamie’d done something he wasn’t expecting. He washed Gary, and he gently kissed every one of his bruises, every hint of a mark he’d left on his body, and then after they’d crawled under the sheets together and were tired enough to sleep, he curled up against him and placed his ear right over Gary’s heart, and as they lay together in the early hours of the morning, he could feel their hearts beating together in time.

And that was just it. No matter how satisfying sex with the robot was (and it was plenty satisfying, thank you very much) it couldn’t compare to sex with the real Jamie Carragher for that reason alone. Jamie was a human, a human man who’d lived and loved and sweated and poured his heart into everything. The robot kneeling before him was a combination of algorithms and gears meant to mimic the real thing. He was stronger, faster, much more erratic, Jamie-like in the broadest strokes, with none of the details that made Gary actually like the man. Carra-bot was a beautiful, if flawed copy of something Gary already had and quite frankly didn’t need a duplicate of.

That said… God he was tempted. Carra-bot looked up at him, longing, hungry, and Carra beside him, holding him firm, waiting for him to speak up and send the robot away.

He’d never thought about it before, and that was the gospel truth. He’d never wanted to be fucked by two people at once, let alone two Jamie’s, let alone the robo-version and the real thing together. But then again, he’d never wanted to be subdued and dominated before the other night either, and one night with the Carra-bot thoroughly changed his mind on that front.

“Jamie.” He spoke without another thought, his own voice aching in a way he didn’t recognize. 

“Come on, Gaz. What are you saying here?” Jamie pulled him closer, away from the robot. He sounded nervous, almost afraid. “What are you saying? That you’d want to?”

“I…” Gary looked to him, his co-worker, his firm friend, his lover, the man he’d hated for so long before almost sort of falling for. There was longing in his eyes, too, but not like what he saw in the robot’s. It was similar, familiar, but somehow so different. Warmer, in a way. But scared, too. Gary didn't want to see Jamie like that. That wasn’t the Jamie he knew. The Jamie he knew was loud, bold, and so completely unafraid of everything it was enviable. Admirable, in a stupid sort of way, really. Annoying, at times, yes, but that was what he wanted, who he wanted. So he turned away from the robot, and surged toward the real Jamie and kissed him hard, lips smashing together in a frantic, hurried rush, both hands on Jamie’s face to hold him still until he complied with a small sigh and kissed him back. They didn’t usually kiss like that. It wasn’t that they hadn’t, it was more than they didn’t. They spent more time putting their mouths other places, so it almost felt new to kiss one another. New. Exciting. Exhilarating, even. 

When they finally parted, both were a little breathless, and Gary exhaled, a little dizzy. “I want you. I’ll always want you. But if you said yes right now, I’d say yes too.”

And that’s when shit got real for Jamie Carragher. He stood there, nearly frozen, mind gone blank for a moment as he tried to process what Gary was saying. ‘If you said yes right now, I’d say yes too.’ What could that mean…? Well, alright, he knew exactly what that meant, but did Gary understand what he was asking? Did he understand fully that not only was he asking if Jamie would have a threesome, but he was asking if Jamie would have a threesome with a robot? And not only was he asking if he’d have a threesome with a robot, but he was asking if he’d have a threesome with a robot that looked exactly like Jamie himself? Like, did he fully get that? Because it was kind of a big deal. It was kind of a hurdle Jamie might have to drag himself over, if he were to consent to anything of the sort. 

As he stared at Gary, he was struck then by something odd. Not bad odd, but different. There was a look in his eyes, in turn hopeful and daring. It was the sort of look he hadn’t seen in that man in a very long time, not since the last time they’d been on the pitch together, suited up to play. Gary had almost a mean look to him, hungry, egging, and defiant, that wicked edge in his gaze that used to drive Jamie wild with anger, used to make him want to smack his stupid Manc face. Like he knew which buttons to push in a man to make him turn mad. Jamie always secreted adored that look and the rush he felt upon seeing it brought him back to years gone by when he was reckless and foolish and willing to do some especially unwise things. Not with Gary Neville, but. Generally.

He’d made mistakes before, done things that in retrospect were probably inadvisable. Cautionary tales, at best. But he was grown now, respectable, older and wiser, and not one to go off and make a complete idiot of himself. But aside from the heaps of late night texts and incriminating intimate photographs shared between their phones, he’d been very well behaved lately, especially for a dumb punk from Bootle, the latest in a long line of disreputable men. He’d sowed his wild oats, that was meant to be behind him. And yet, here he was, genuinely contemplating if he should have a fucking three-way with Gary Neville and a bloody robot. If the robot looked like him, did that count as incest or masturbation? Either way it was… asking a lot.

He flinched slightly, looking Gary up and down, seeing again a glimpse of that young man, bright and beautiful and bitter, and his mind wandered for a moment, back to when they were younger and thinner and unable to imagine any sort of future where they’d ever be friends, let alone lovers. Traces of those people still existed, he supposed, though he’d become accustomed to their new brand of arguments. Their methods had changed, and so had their levels of malice. As it turned out, bantering in bed or by text late at night was preferable to nearly getting punched in the face in front of the entire world. But Gary Neville still had within his arsenal the ability to rile him up like no one else could. 

“You want me to say yes?” Jamie asked, meeting Gary’s gaze, defiant as he ever was, feeling slightly cornered by him, like his back was to the metaphorical wall, like he hadn’t any real say in the matter at all, though truthfully… he almost sort of liked it. It was familiar, anyway, for as much as he liked the changes in their dynamic, there was something almost comforting about the mixed heat and coolness in Gary’s eyes.

“Yes,” Gary said, pushing toward him again, completely caught up in the moment. “Carra. Jamie. Say yes.”

Jamie took hold of him then, pulled him close, kissed him roughly, while at their feet the robot gasped and sighed. He wasn’t saying yes, not exactly, but. But. It felt so right to kiss Gary, it always had, really, like a pull, like he was being drawn in magnetically toward this polar opposite. Both hands cupped Gary’s face as they kissed, the heat and urgency slowly dissipating into tenderness as Gary seemed to almost melt against him. 

They only broke the kiss when Jamie felt a hand dragging up his thigh and realized it was the robot touching him. He jumped a little, startled, and looked down at the Carra-bot for a long moment before dragging the thing up by it’s shoulders. Hesitating for a second or two, he then leaned in to kiss it.

It was… well, it wasn’t terrible. But it was strange, kissing himself, or this distorted version of himself. It put its arms around him, pulled him close, it was stronger than he was, more easily able to control things, and that made Jamie a little uneasy. He only felt slightly relieved when Gary’s lips on his shoulder. Only then did he relax a little, as Gary kissed his back, up to his neck, pressing him gently into the robot. The robot broke their kiss then, and tilted its head so that it was aligned over Carra’s shoulder, setting itself up to kiss Gary, who leaned in to meet him.

“No,” Jamie said sharply, wedging them apart just as their mouths were about to meet. Gary’s eyes went wide. His pupils were dilated, his breathing fast and heavy. “Don’t,” Jamie said. “Don’t kiss him.”

Gary stared at him, cocking an eyebrow, in that stupid sure way of his. All at once, Jamie was hit with a truckload of memories, of moments through the years where he’d stared at that stupid, smug face of his, praying for the opportunity to bust it up. Or kiss it. Ugh. 

“Why not?” Gary asked, looking Jamie up and down. “Why can’t I kiss him?”

“Because,” Jamie started, losing a bit of steam along the way. “I waited my whole life to kiss that mouth of yours. Don’t tease me, kissing someone else in front of me.”

Gary laughed, ignoring the pointless protests of the Carra-bot as he, threw himself fully at Jamie with all the grace of a cat on the prowl, practically enveloping Jamie with all his limbs. “Alright. Since you’re apparently the boss, any other rules I should know about?”

He flushed a little, glancing at the robot quickly before turning his full attention back to the wicked Manc inserting himself into his embrace. He swallowed, suddenly anxious again. “I’m not gonna fuck him. And he’s not gonna fuck me, you understand?”

Gary nodded.

“And I don’t want him kissing you, Gary.”

“Okay. He won’t kiss me then. So how do you propose we do this? You fuck me while I suck him—?”

“Jeez, do you even think before you speak?”

“I think a lot more than anyone else I know.”

“Oi, insults now, Gaz? Is that where this is—”

“No, Carra. I just want to know how it’s gonna be.”

“First I’m going to fuck you.”

“Yes, I gathered that.”

“And he’s gonna watch.”

“Ah.”

They shared a sort of conspiratorial smile before slowly turning to face the robot, who was frowning deeply.

“First I’m gonna fuck you,” Carra said, reaching to run his fingers along Gary’s cheek, please at how his stubble caught against his fingertips in such a pleasant way. Gary smirked a little and pressed into his touch, probably without even realizing it. “And if you’re good and don’t come from it, you’re going to fuck him.”

“And you’re going to watch,” Gary said. Jamie nodded. Gary grinned. 

On the floor, at their feet, Carra-bot shifted around them, kissing . They ignored him, mouths meeting again in a quick kiss before hurriedly undressing and pushing past him on the way to the bed. They both got on, blankets tossed aside as they tussled with each other, lips and teeth and hands touching everywhere, struggling over who would lead, who would come out on top. It was Gary, of course, because Jamie never really could deny him anything. Besides, he always liked it when Gary was on top, liked the idea of Gary riding him, grinding him until he lost complete control. He liked looking up and seeing the look on his face as he came undone, the way his face twisted as he came. It was fucking mind blowing, maybe the best feeling in the world one could have off a football pitch.

Gary straddled him, gazing down at him as their cocks brushed together, eliciting a low groan from Carra. Jamie looked so perfect beneath him, staring back at him like he might eat him alive or die for him, or maybe both. He still felt that rush of confusion along with lust, sometimes. It was funny how they came to be this way, finding this comfortable, desperately needed camaraderie after all the time they’d spent loathing each other. It was a little scary to think about sometimes, that his feelings could reverse themselves like that. Or maybe it was a relief. Something in the middle.

As it was now, he felt completely alive, adrenaline pumping through him, along with other hormones. He rocked his hips, reaching down to take both their cocks in his hand, unable to stifle his own moan, eyes still on Carra. He stroked them loosely, their pre-come mixing and coating both of them.

“What’re you gonna do to me?” He asked, voice low, throat gone a little dry.

“Gonna fuck you,” Jamie said, keeping perfectly still, expression completely readable. He was a mess.

“No. I want to know exactly what you’ll do to me.”

“Gonna shove my cock in you.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm. Gonna shove my cock in that tight arse of yours, fuck you so hard.”

“How like?”

Jamie’s eyes flickered closed as Gary rolled their hips together, losing his mind for a moment before he regained his ability to speak, voice quiet but steady, a soft lilt just for Gary to hear. “I’ll throw you down, face down on the bed. And I’ll use them handcuffs on you, lock you to the bed frame. And I’m gonna spread your legs and push into you and stretch you out, and I’m gonna fuck you till you’re raw and screaming for it.”

Above him, Gary’s whole demeanor changed, from cocky and sly to a fucking puddle in Jamie’s lap. “Oh my god.”

“And when I’m satisfied that you really want it, I’m gonna stop.”

“What…”

Jamie stopped short, a little worry in his eyes, afraid for a second, like he might scare Gary away. Heart beating heavily, he swallowed hard. “And I’m gonna pull out and I’m gonna come on your filthy fucking Manc face.”

If Gary was at all put off by the prospect he didn't let on. Rather he had the nerve to leer at him, tightening his hold on Jamie’s dick. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Jamie gasped, hips moving up on their own accord.

“Yeah. Come on my face, scouse bastard, if you think you can make it. If I don’t make you come in my arse first.”

They looked at each other for a long moment, like neither of them could quite believe what the other had said, like they were both a little nervous that they’d pushed it too far. But slowly, those nerves turned to smirks, and they were about to kiss away those tensions when suddenly there was another body on the bed, launching between them, forcing them apart.

“That's enough, you son of a bitch!” Carra-bot shrieked, forcing Gary off of Jamie and onto the floor. “Get away from him!”

“What the hell?” Jamie cried, sitting up, finding himself immediately pinned down by the robot.

“You leave my beloved alone!”

Gary scrambled back up onto the bed, grabbing Carra-bot by the shoulders. “Are you fucking daft! The threesome was your idea!”

Unfortunately, Carra-bot was strong enough that Gary’s attempts to move him had basically no effect, and Jamie’s attempts to unpin himself were completely useless. 

“You can’t fuck Gary!” The robot said sternly, glaring at Jamie. “He’s mine! My darling angel!”

“Get off of him!” Gary hissed, trying again to tug him away. “You can’t keep acting this way, for fuck’s sake!”

Crushed beneath the robot, Jamie was ready to give up. “You know what, I’ve changed me mind about this and I’d really like it if you’d leave. No more three-way. We’re nixing it, so please stop crushing my ribs.”

“I’ll crush more ‘an just your ribs, you man stealing hussy!”

“Did that robot just call me a hussy?” Jamie blinked. “Gaz?”

“He’s not a man-stealer. I’m not your man, ergo he can’t steal me.” Gary tried once more to dislodge Carra-bot, digging his fingers into his shoulder, into the machine’s lifelike flesh. From that angle, he looked so much like Jamie, it was actually rather alarming. He moved like him too, held his shoulders the same way, had those same quirky little changes of expression. Carra-bot was a technological marvel, to be sure, but he was no Jamie Carragher. He couldn’t even hold a candle to the real thing. “Now get off of him, or I’m bound to get mean about it.”

The robot turned his head to look at Gary, lips twitching in that same way Jamie’s did when he was about to burst into a full grin. “Care to make me, lover?”

Jamie looked like he might want to speak, but Gary silenced him with a look, indicating that Jamie should look at something on the nightstand. He followed Gary’s eyes, squinting until he saw it, biting his lip and giving a brief nod. Gary then leaned in and kissed the robot, hands steadying his chin as he slipped his tongue in. Carra-bot was practically cooing, he was so delighted, opening up so that he could pull Gary in close. It was just the opportunity Jamie needed in order to wriggle free and slip off the bed. 

Gary urged the robot back, flat onto the bed, in a position nearly identical to the one he and Jamie had been in moments before. He eased down on top on him, bodies rubbing and pressing together, Gary’s heart beating in time to the robot’s modem, and the machine seemed pleased and pleasantly distracted, too distracted to notice Jamie looming over them with something silver in his hands.

Before the Carra-bot could react to stop it, Carra slapped the handcuffs around its wrists and managed to secure it to the bed frame. “What the shit?!”

“Surprise, you twat!” Jamie smirked as Gary slipped off of Carra-bot and joined Jamie in triumph.

Carra-bot stared back at them with cold, unamused eyes. “I can crush through a metal door. You really think a pair of novelty handcuffs from a porn shop are gonna stop me? Come on, lads, you ain’t stupid.”

The two men looked at each other, trying to wordlessly sort out a plan. What could be done to get rid of the Carra-bot? How could they successfully get him to leave and never ever come back? If only they knew someone familiar enough with the robotics program to maybe have a solution to their problems…

The robot tested the handcuffs, pulling against them, smiling as they gave a bit. 

“Knock that off,” Gary said, looking to Jamie then. “I’ve got an idea.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I’ll call Phil.”

Jamie’s face fell. “Why.”

“Just trust me on this one, mate.” He gave Jamie’s arm a quick squeeze then started rooting around for his phone. From the bed, the robot yelled out in protest as Jamie reluctantly put on some pants.

Thirty minutes later, Phil was in the bedroom too, looking extremely tired and agitated as he muffled a yawn into his hands. 

“I still don’t understand why you would let him in in the first place,” he sighed, willfully ignoring the sexual devices strewn about his brother’s bedroom. There were just some things a man did not want to know. 

“It wasn’t intentional,” Gary insisted, arms folded over his chest. Jamie was leaned against the wall, yawning too, suddenly dying to sleep if it weren’t for the disgruntled robot in Gary’s bed.

“Well now it’s a right mess,” Phil said, leaning over to look the robot over. “Right, so there’s usually a control panel located somewhere on it’s back.”

Gary scoffed. “There’s not on this one. Trust me. I know.” Both Phil and Jamie winced a little. “Look, it’s got to be someplace else on him, because I know it’s not there.”

“What about somewhere inconspicuous,” Jamie said. “Like his foot. Or the back of his head?”

A quick but careful examination proved this theory false and they were back to square one, with the robot glaring up at them angrily.

“There’s got to be an off switch on him somewhere,” Phil mused.

“Well where is it?” Gary demanded.

“I don’t know,” his brother frowned, reaching into his pocket for his phone. “But I know someone who might.”

“Who?”

“Just shut up a minute,” Phil said, pressing in some numbers, holding his mobile to his ear. “Let me handle it.”

It seemed to ring for an eternity before a sleep addled voice finally picked up. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“About 3am, I think,” Phil answered.

“This better be important, Phil,” the groggy voice continued, “Is someone dead?”

“No, Giggsy,” Phil said. Gary’s eyes went wide. So did Jamie’s. “Just need something real quick.”

There was more grumbling on the other end. Phil glanced at Gary, shrugged, smiled. “Okay, fine. What’s wrong? What do you need at three o’clock in the morning?”

“Well…” Phil trailed off, laughing a little nervously. “You remember the secret robotics lab, don’t you?”

“… That’s not really the sort of thing a person just forgets, Phil.”

“Yeah. Well. I need to know how to turn the robots off.”

“… Why?”

Phil spoke slowly, cautiously. “There’s one here. At Gaz’s place.”

Gary had been steadily getting closer to his brother during the course of the conversation, so that by this point he was practically draped over him trying to listen in. Phil purposely shoved him aside.

“There’s a robot at Gaz’s. In Spain. At three in the morning. And you can’t shut it down.”

“Uh-huh. It’s showed up and it’s acting right mad and we can’t get it to turn off. So, er…”

After an appropriate amount of back and forth about the logistics of who was there in the house (Phil and Gaz… Jamie was conveniently left out) how the robot made its way to Valencia (probably by plane but who could be certain), why it would have gone to Valencia (programing error), etc., Ryan finally sighed and sort of halfway accepted the situation as described and reluctantly agreed to help. “It depends on the model,” he said at last.

“The model?” Phil asked, looking perplexed.

“Yeah, see, some of them had an off switch on the foot and others had one on the head.”

“Well, this one’s not got either.”

“Eh,” Giggsy sounded hesitant then. Almost disappointed. “Which one is it then? Not one of the Lampards, is it?”

“No, no. It’s Carragher.”

Jamie sat up instinctively. On the bed, the Carra-bot did the same.

“Oh, well then. It’s up it’s arse.”

Phil nearly choked on his own tongue. “What?!”

“I wish I was joking about that, but yeah, that’s where the off button is. In it’s arse.”

“… You fucking with me, Giggsy?”

“I’m really not. I really wish I was. Do you think I like having the mental image of Jamie Carragher getting his arse probed burned into my head? Because thanks to you, that’s what’s happening to me right now. I’ve got to go back to bed in a minute and all I can think about now is a deranged Carragher robot about to get it’s rectum stuffed. Do you understand how horrified I am right now? Do you?”

Phil was quiet for a full six seconds before he burst out into riotous laugher, causing Gary to fly into action and wrestle away the phone so he could talk to Giggs himself.

“Giggsy,” he hissed into the receiver. “What’s happened, why’s he lost it?”

“‘Morning to you too, Gaz. Let’s cut to the chase, then. Your brother’s lost it because I told him the off switch is up that robot’s arse.”

Gary nearly dropped the phone then, deciding he absolutely could not handle the situation any longer. Maybe he could move into Phil’s place, or have the entire club relocate to England. Anything would be better than this.

Jamie took Gary by the arm and gave him a questioning look as Phil and Giggs chatted on for a few more minutes. Gary didn’t know what to say really. There wasn’t anything he felt comfortable saying with his younger brother in the room. 

“What’s wrong?” Jamie asked, eyes fixed on Gary. “There’s a way to turn it off, isn’t there? There’s something we can do, right?”

Gary bit his lip and nodded, looking to the still restrained robot sprawled out on his bed. “We can. But…”

“But?” Jamie frowned at him.

“That’s right! It’s in his butt!” Phil cackled, rejoining them. Jamie looked completely shocked. The robot lowered its chin rather demurely. Gary’s cheeks went red. “Don’t get embarrassed now, Gaz. Just get it up and take care of business. I’m going home. If you need anything, call Ryan.”

And with that, Phil departed, leaving Jamie and Gary to stare at each other as the robot writhed suggestively on the bed.

“I never should’ve let that damn thing inside,” Gary grumbled.

“Yeah, well. Too late for that, mate.” Jamie looked back to the robot, glaring at it. “What are we gonna do?”

“Well, we’ve got to turn him off.”

“By shoving something up its arse.”

“It sounds crude when you say it like that.”

“Well it is sort of crude, isn’t it. I mean, who honestly designs a robot with the off switch up its bum?”

Gary laughed then, and Jamie put a hand on his shoulder.

“You gonna shag him?” Jamie asked, still glaring at the robot, who looked very much at home in Gary’s bed.

“Yeah,” Gary said, turning to look at Jamie, slipping an arm around his middle. “You’re gonna watch me, right?”

Jamie snorted softly, then smiled. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world, mate.”

Gary forced himself to smile too, despite the sinking anxiety in the pit of his stomach. He’d been game for all of it before, so why did he suddenly feel nervous about fucking the robot? 

Jamie seemed to sense his nerves, the way he nudged Gary, then leaned in to nip at his ear. “It’s okay. Calm down.”

“I am calm,” he said, closing his eyes, tilting his chin to expose more of his throat to Jamie’s waiting mouth.

“Relax, then. It’s fine. Just pretend he’s me.” 

Gary gulped, nodding only slightly while Jamie’s hand slid down his body, settling on his dick, rubbing him gently over his pants. From his spot on the bed, the robot let out a noise of protest as he observed the pair of them, pressed together, Jamie whispering into Gary’s ear, Gary noticeably getting harder with every stroke from Jamie’s hand. 

“Oi! Bastard! Get your hands off him! He’s fucking me, not you!”

Jamie paused, giving the Carra-bot a look that could kill, stopping only when Gary began rutting against his hand, a plea for him to keep going. He looked back to Gary then, a faint smirk on his lips. “You keep up like this, mate, and you won’t get the chance to fuck him.”

“Shut up,” he said breathlessly, urging Jamie to keep touching him, begging him not to stop without saying it out loud, only really relaxing when Jamie slipped his hand past his waistband and took hold of his erection, stroking his cock until he was satisfied that Gary was hard enough. “Don’t stop.”

Jamie didn’t say anything, though he continued on for the moment, leaning in then to kiss under his ear, biting the lobe, tracing it with his tongue. His breath was warm on Gary’s skin, made him shiver and press into Jamie, made him want to melt into him, gasping, eyes rolling back just a little. More than anything though, he wanted Jamie to fuck him, which was a bit of a problem since he had a different task at hand.

“Jamie,” he said, more of a whimper than anything else, the sort of wrecked voice he’d otherwise be embarrassed about. “I don’t think I can…”

He stopped then, pulled back from Gary to look him over once before glancing over to the writhing robot on the bed. He had his own dilemma to think over. Could he fuck a robot version of himself? Truthfully? He didn’t think he could do it. But it had to be done. Someone had to fuck that robot, and there weren’t any actual toys or devices that could aid in the process, unless Gary wanted to sacrifice a mop handle or a kitchen tool, and quite frankly Jamie didn’t want to consider sodomizing a robot with a mop. There were just some things a person shouldn’t think about, ever.

He closed his eyes a moment, thinking quickly. He knew what Gary wanted from him— the same thing Gary always wanted from him, a proper shagging, like they always had done. He knew too what the robot needed, what they needed to do to shut it down. And it was then that a thought occurred. The two acts were not incompatible. There was no reason they couldn’t do both at once. Let Gary fuck that stupid robot and let him get fucked in the process. Jamie grinned at the prospect, and his own dick, neglected so far, began to twitch to life. 

He took hold of Gary’s pants and started pulling them down, dropping to his knees as he did. Gary looked startled, staring down at him. “What are you…?”

Jamie grinned impishly, sticking his tongue out to lick the head of his cock, just once, quite teasingly. “You fuck him while I fuck you.”

“Oh fuck.”

“I know.”

“Oh my god, Carra.”

“Good idea, yeah?”

“Fuck.”

Jamie laughed and took Gary’s cock into his mouth, looking up at him, watching him the whole time. Gary meanwhile seemed like he was trying to keep it together, a small moan escaping his lips as he attempted to remain still and not literally start fucking Jamie’s mouth. Before the urge became too strong he had to back away, reaching down to pull Jamie back to his feet. He was flushed, breathing a bit erratic, cupping Jamie’s cheek as they stared into each other’s eyes. “I just want you to fuck me.”

“I know, needy little bastard,” Jamie said, smile fading from his lips, though it stayed in his eyes. “And I’m gonna. I’ll fuck that tight arse of yours so hard, you’ll have to stand in the dugout this weekend. You’ll feel it for days. And every time you sit down, you’ll think of me and of what we did, what you wanted me to do to you.”

“Fuck…”

“And you’re gonna fuck that bastard over there. He’s tied down and waiting for you. He’ll beg you for it, if you want him to. He'll do anything for your cock. You’re gonna shove your cock in him and fuck the shit out of him. And you’re gonna come so hard, Gaz. Your world's gonna come apart. Think about it. You fucking him, me fucking you. You’re gonna feel so good. Best orgasm of your bloody life, Gaz.” Jamie was touching himself then, his own cock so hard it was almost painful. 

Gary, who’d been momentarily left dazed by his imagination, took Jamie’s cock in his hand, giving him a playfully light tug. “Look how hard you are. Shit.”

“Just for you,” Jamie mumbled, almost unintelligible in his wound up state. “It’s all for you, babe.”

He felt an overwhelming desire to kiss Jamie then, so he did, quick and sloppy, before breaking apart to approach the bed. Jamie walked to the bedside table to fetch the lube. The Carra-bot smiled, pleased, spreading its legs invitingly.

“My love, my love,” it purred and pouted. “I want you in me, my love.”

Gary stopped then, looking to Jamie with cold, expressionless eyes. “We got any duct tape left?” Jamie looked around on the floor, stooping down to pick up an abandoned roll which he tossed to his lover. “Perfect,” Gary replied, and within a few seconds, the robot was successfully muffled, a strip of silver tape secured over its mouth. Jamie joined him on the bed, running a hand along Gary’s spine as Gary squirted out some lube into his palm. 

“Pretend he’s me,” he whispered again as they exchanged a very loaded look. “Do to him what you’d do to me.”

After the double task of prepping himself and the robot, Gary was soon positioning himself over the robot, ready to ease his cock inside. It looked up at him, green eyes the same exact color of Jamie’s eyes, a sort of expectant pleading there as it shifted beneath him, urging him to go on. So he did, pushing into him with a little sigh, surprised by how tight and how fucking perfect the robot felt. How real he felt, squirming under him, arching his back as they adjusted to the feeling.

“Jesus,” Gary grunted, not moving yet. Beside him, Jamie scooted up the bed so that they were at eye level.

“It’s good, yeah?” Jamie murmured.

Gary could only nod, breathing heavily as he thrust into the robot. It was so good, so tight, like a sheath or something, like that robot had been built for the sole purpose of getting fucked by Gary Neville. As he fucked it, it gasped into the duct tape, moaning, sighing, wrapping its legs around Gary's waist, urging him to keep going, harder, deeper, like it wanted to see how much of his cock it could take.

“You like this, huh,” Jamie drawled, taking the lube bottle and smearing some of the contents onto his aching cock. “Look at you, fucking him like you got no control. Just need to come, don't you. Need to fill him up. What's it like, fucking him like he's nothing? Pretending he's me?”

Gary halted from his near frenzied pace to look at Jamie, blinking at him slowly. “I'd take you any day of the week, Jamie. Just say the word and my dick is yours.”

Jamie said nothing, just grinned and snickered a little as he poured lube out into his hand and settled behind Gary, nudging him until the angle would work. He pushed one finger into Gary's arse first, pleased with his anguished, heady cry. Before three minutes had passed, Carra had his cock pushed into Gary, who had slowed to a complete still as he adjusted to the sensation and the feel of bodies moving against him.

“Is it okay?” He asked, Gary's body having stilled beneath him, his lover making a pleasing, almost choking sound. He didn't want to stop or pull out again, Gary's arse was so tight, so fucking perfect, but if it was too much stimulation for Gary he'd wait. He gripped Gary's hips tightly, pulled him back a bit, aligned their hips, causing Gary to whine quietly under his breath. “Fucking tight, you are. Hold still, Gaz, let me fuck you for a second. Fuck.”

Gary looked over his shoulder at Jamie, keeping still as Jamie stated to quickly work into him, crouched against him in the most obscene, purely animalistic way, going a bit slow at first, then more quickly, finding an erratic sort of pace as his balls slapped against Gary's skin. Gary wanted to react, normally he was quite vocal over what he liked, always sure to let Jamie know what was appreciated, talking non-stop really, until one or both of them came. But he found it was all too much. His mind had emptied of everything. All he could focus on was the sound of skin striking skin and the wanton look in the robot's eyes as it tried to regain his attention. Moaning, he closed his eyes, head dropping down against Carra-bot’s shoulder. As he did he could only manage to say one thing, to choke out Jamie's name desperately, followed by muffled profanity.

Gradually Gary got used to the feeling, to just how full he felt, to how lifelike the robot felt as it twisted and moaned into the tape. He regained his ability to move again, going slow, his first attempts at fucking while being fucked were, for lack of better phrasing, a bit awkward, but he quickly found his pace, with Jamie following his lead, letting him control everything, like he always did.

Jamie pressed his fingertips into the soft flesh of Gary's stomach, digging in, certain to leave little bruises behind. Gary growled for it, and the robot made a sort of plaintive noise, stretched out beneath them both, watching them with alert green eyes. What they'd found was easy, pleasant, even, something they could maintain for awhile. 

Or the humans could, anyway. Carra-bot had reached the point of no return, or perhaps Gary had finally found the off switch deep inside its arse. The robot whimpered into its tape gag, his body tightening up, muscles tensing realistically as his cock, otherwise untouched for the duration, suddenly emptied, come pumping out in thick spurts all over his own stomach. And as suddenly as the orgasm hit, the machine went still, eyes closing, body going limp, body temperature dropping very quickly.

Gary and Jamie both took that as their cue to reassess their arrangement. Jamie pulled out carefully, with Gary doing the same a second or two later.

“Guess Giggs was right,” Jamie said, sitting back on his heels. “He's knocked clean out.” Then he looked to Gary, smiling wryly, “Mind blowing fuck you gave him, Gaz.”

Gary rolled his eyes, “Piss off, mate.”

Jamie snickered at him, reaching for him, wanting just to pull him close, feel their skin touching again. “How's it been for you? Want to keep going?”

Gary let himself be enveloped, finding Carra’s embrace more comforting than he'd ever say out loud. “Can we?” 

He got a smirk for his troubles as Jamie laid him back down on the bed, face up this time, sideways across the foot, somehow avoiding Carra-bot’s feet. As Jamie hovered over him, Gary noted a slight look of nerves about him, so he reached up to cup his cheek. “What's wrong?”

Jamie shook his head. “Was just thinking about what we'd said before.”

Gary's brows furrowed. 

“About fucking you raw, coming on your face.” Jamie swallowed, bit his lip. He looked so fit and gorgeous as he ever had, so good Gary almost had to wonder why it'd taken him so long to figure it out. Why had it taken him so long to realize all that? Ah, well. Didn't matter now. Better late than never.

“Oh?” Gary asked, looking up at him, fully aware of the ache in his voice, and otherwise pretty sure he must look like a wreck, flat on his back, ready to beg.

Jamie smiled, nervous still, laughing softly under his breath. “I… yeah. I, uh, I don't…”

Gary quirked a brow at him, vaguely concerned. 

“I think I'd rather do like we always do. Not to be fucking boring or nothing but…”

“You just want to--”

“I want to hold you. I want to watch your face when I'm in you. I want to see you come apart with me, see you go to pieces. I want to kiss you, and I want you to feel something. I want to do all the shit that damned robot can't do, make you feel what he can't make you feel.” Jamie was as quiet as Gary had ever heard him, with a kind of earnestness in his voice that made him feel a little light-headed. “I just want you, Gary. Maybe it's selfish, I don't know, but I want you, want you like I've always wanted you, like we've always been. Is that alright? Anyone could fuck you, you know. But we ain't just fucking, are we, Gaz?”

No, they weren't, were they? It had started out that way, a somewhat natural progression from enemies to maybe friends to everything beyond that. But what were they now? If he was to be honest with himself he'd admit things were serious, not to the point of anguish or heartache but real enough that they could firmly call each other lovers without it seeming out of place. Emphasis on the love part, perhaps. It was true, loath as he might've been to admit as much two years ago. He did love Jamie, but it wasn't some life changing thing. It more crept up on him, got past him before he'd realized what he'd done, and by the time he recognized the symptoms it was too late.

“I just,” Jamie started, filling in the silence between them with that wild lilt off his, grabbing Gary's attention, making him realize he hadn't actually answered Jamie yet. “I'm not him. And he's not me, and I'm not mad that you shagged him, I swear it, but I can't be like that because I'm not. I'll fuck you raw if you want me to. I'll tie you down, gag you, come on your face, degrade you, but only if you want that, because fun as it might be to torture you and let you whine, I actually like hearing you say my name, and I like feeling your hands on me, and if you want me to come on you, I'd like it if you asked for it first. Do you know what I mean?”

“Don't be so dense,” Gary said, pressing his palms you Jamie's cheeks, sneering a little despite himself. “Of course I know. Of course.”

“Do you?” Jamie asked, a little surprised, nostrils flaring in that way they always did when he was trying not to let on how confused he was. Gary liked that look on him, he'd come to find it especially amusing after two years spent side by side. He looked like he was trying to figure Gary out, like it was the most important task in the world. For whatever reason it made Gary feel special.

“You're not him, and what I did with him before, what we replicated last night was fine, it was amazing, really. But if I didn't like what we'd been doing all this time do you think I'd keep doing it?” He raised an eyebrow teasingly. “I mean honestly, Jamie. If I didn't like the way you've been fucking me, I wouldn't have fucked you for the last year and a half.” He paused, letting his hand trace along Carra’s jaw, giving him a sort of appraising look. “Besides, there’s something else I’d like to try, just this once”

He had a sort of dark look in his eyes, and Jamie couldn't help but feel nervous, almost a sense of dread. That feeling remained as Gary shoved the robot off the bed and repositioned Jamie so that he was flat on his back in the same spot. Before he could register any further protest he felt the click of the handcuffs around his wrists and Gary coating his erection with more lube. He could only watch in utter fascination as Gary eased himself onto Jamie’s cock slowly, deliberately. They made eye contact then and it took every ounce of Jamie’s willpower not to thrust up into him desperately.

“Easy, Carra,” Gary chided, rolling his hips in the slowest, most maddening way possible. “Just watch me.”

“I want to touch you.”

“I know. But just watch me.”

And that was how, after more obstacles than could be imagined, they ended up having essentially the most passionate night of their lives, Gary riding him, grinding on him, completely controlling him, leaning in every so often to kiss him, touching him, finally taking off those bloody handcuffs so Jamie could hold him by the hips as Gary jerked himself off, coming onto Jamie's belly. 

He hopped off then, taking Jamie’s dick in his hand, stroking him just how he knew Jamie liked it, exactly how Jamie needed until he couldn’t take it anymore, coming hard in Gary’s hand, one of those full body orgasms that left him seeing stars. And if that wasn’t enough, the bastard topped it off by popping Jamie’s spent cock into his mouth, sucking him like he was desperate to get every last drop of come out of him. Jamie gasped, cried out, grabbed hold of Gary’s hair, hissed and whimpered until he had to beg him to stop, it was just too fucking much, and when Gary finally did he sort of crawled up Jamie’s body until their mouths could meet, until they were kissing furiously, messy and panting and almost stuck together.

“What a disaster,” Gary said finally, collapsing onto his back, the neon numbers of the clock on the bedside table helpfully informing him that it was nearly time for him to wake up and have breakfast before heading to the grounds for training. 

Jamie laughed, resting his cheek against Gary’s shoulder. “Come off it, Gaz. It wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“This room is a mess and I’ve slept an hour in the last thirty-six,” he sniffed, leaning into Jamie. “And there’s a robot of you lying on my floor. What the hell am I going to do with that?”

“I’ll take care of it in the morning,” Jamie yawned, settling comfortably into the mattress, the mess they’d made all but forgotten as he drifted off to sleep, poor Gary having to get up and face the dawn alone.

By the time he got home that afternoon, however, the entire mess had been cleaned up and the Carra-bot had mysteriously vanished from his home. He wanted to ask about it, but Jamie provided enough of a distraction that he didn’t get around to it until the following afternoon when his phone went off and the caller ID read ‘Giggsy’.

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck did you send this for?”

To say Giggs sounded heated was an understatement. Gary made a confused face, glancing across the living room to Jamie, who was at home on his sofa, watching some MLS or something, not paying him any mind. Frowning, he wandered into the kitchen to continue the conversation. “What are you on about?”

“The robot. The robot, dammit. Why’d you FedEx it to Old Trafford, addressed specifically to me? The fuck kind of joke is that, Gaz?”

Gary made a soft choking noise and he couldn’t help but grin like a madman. “Uh…”

“And I don’t even want to know what you did with it. It’s absolutely filthy. Jesus, Gary. Why?” 

And after some entertaining back and forth with Giggsy, he hung up and settled onto the couch with Carra, who enveloped him in his arms like a Scouse blanket. And as they settled there together, on their last night alone before Jamie was to leave, Gary felt that feeling again. Nothing had changed between them, yet everything had. They weren’t any different than they had been, but in the midst of the second attempted robot invasion, their understanding had improved, and from it all, Gary began to think that maybe, just maybe, he did love Jamie after all.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry for this... 
> 
> also please consider participating in the [carraville exchange](http://carravillexchange.tumblr.com/post/136478714180/hi-all-were-organizing-a-carraville-fanworks)! it's gonna be really neat! :D


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